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Old 10-06-2011, 07:18 PM   #1
Penakoto
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I figure I'll get this started tonight with a bit of info about myself. Then go on to regular updates.

Not much of interest as far as my youth goes, I was bullied a lot in the earlier grades, but it wasn't too bad, things got a lot better around Grade 7, all the way up until I moved in Grade 11.

Things really took a turn at that point, the school I went to here in Belleville, Centenial Secodary, was downright hellish. Plus, thanks to the move, I lost contact with all my old friends.

Luckily, the last two years of school ended fairly quickly. Once I got out, I got a job, made some money, yadda yadda yadda, fast forward to today and here I am.

Still living with my parents, and I'm hoping to move sometime in the next year or two. I'd like to live somewhere in the states if possible.

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Old 11-26-2011, 09:11 PM   #2
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I haven't had anything really to say up until tonight. But I kinda need to get something off my chest.

I hate my father, more than anyone, all the kids that bullied me in school, nothing in comparison.

I bring him up because once again he's showed how awful a human he can be. Same cycle, he gets drunk, he gets mad at me for nothing, I go to bed either enraged or terrified, he then treats me like shit for the next few weeks.

He's the reason that A) I want to leave, and go far away from this place. B) I'll probably never drink a single drop if I can help it.

I just... so many times I think to myself, that my life would be infinitely better if he wasn't in it. I'm tired of nights like this, if I had the money I'd be packing right now... I just hope my plan of moving by the end of next year goes without a hitch.
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Old 11-26-2011, 10:13 PM   #3
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I know how that is. The drunk asshole dad part, anyway. He's gotten drunk almost every night for the last twenty years or so. Used to either be verbally abusive to me or just flat out beat on me. He's still an asshole today, but I just avoid any communication with him. I hated him when I was younger. Now... I dunno. I nothing him. He's just there. I think that might actually be worse than hating him, but I dunno. If nothing else, it's less draining. I'd like to think I'd be sad if he died. I probably would. As far as right now goes though, we just have no relationship together. We likely never will.

Just make sure to have all your shit in order before you leave. It's good that you're taking your time. I made the mistake of letting him abuse me right out of the house. I dropped out of school and joined the Navy to get away from it. I could've done things better.
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Old 11-26-2011, 10:21 PM   #4
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Funny thing is, I'm doing everything I can to avoid the military, and he's used to push me into doing it. Did everything except forge my signature to sign me up, really.

There's is nothing about that lifestyle suited for me, but oh no it was perfect for him it's perfect for me.

I'm already doing everything I can to keep myself not kicked out, I don't think I'd even survive if it happened. Just the thought of it terrifies me, it really does, I have nobody to turn to anymore, no way to look out for myself yet... All I can do is hope things don't go sour for the next year.
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Old 11-28-2011, 11:06 PM   #5
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Holy crap, two entries in the same week! Whoa!

My grandmas in the hospital right now, a few days ago the doctors said there was something wrong with her liver. Apparently, nothing immediately life threatening, but she's still going to have to have constant supervision in case anything goes wrong.

NO idea what that'll result in. Nobody left in Barrie to look after her, we're here in Belleville and my Uncle Scott is in Georgia. Based on what I've been hearing, most likely scenario is her coming here to Belleville to live in a home.

She's also getting a cat, because, uh... Cats are pretty great, I guess? She could use the company, she's a lonely woman now.

In me related news, I might have a shot at full time work, there's an opening at the pharmacy for an assistant position.

Dunno what kind of experience you need for that kind of work, but I'm definitely set as fat as references go, considering my boss, who thinks I'm doing great, is in the same building.

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Old 12-18-2011, 07:32 PM   #6
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Just had one of the worst day I've had since moving here. Thst really says something considering what's happened since.

Imaginge every bad customer you can often get in retail, all at once, combined with the Boss being an improfessional asshole, at least 5 times the usual number of customers, combined with my shift being eight and a half hours, more than I'm used to (today was definitely not a good day to start getting used to it), combined with 5 hours of sleep thanks to them calling me in early (which is why my shift was so unexpectedly long), all topped off with me wearing the wrong shoes, shoes that would start to hurt after standing around for 2 hours, not 8 1/2.

Pumpkin pie cheesecake ALMOST made up for it though.

It made me realise, more than anything, I hate people, random people I'll never get to know I mean, crowd fodder. I need to pursue a job that has me not serving, helping, instructing or otherwise interacting with a large quantity of people.

Continued...
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Old 12-18-2011, 07:38 PM   #7
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Part 2

Awhile ago, I got an offer, parents suggested I be a chef, and also suggested I go to a school in Georgia to do it. I said no the first time, I didn't know what I wanted back then, and hated the idea of getting stuck in a career based on my parents suggestions, but now I think it could be a good idea.

Not only would it mean I leave here (Bird one), and live in Georgia with my uncle, at least as long as I was learning, but working in a kitchen means I DONT interact with customers. Sure I'd be serving them, but as long as I rarely see their face, that's all I need.

I still haven't decided 100%, but I hope this is still a possibility, that the option is still there.
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Old 12-22-2011, 11:27 AM   #8
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Well, I'm fucked.

Was late to work on tuesday, and missed work today because I wrote down my days from the schedule wrong and didn't find out until a moment ago, so I am apparently scheduled for today, not tomorrow, and have no way into town since my parents are away until 5.

I would not be surprised if I get fired soon over this... Goddamn.
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Old 01-08-2012, 10:04 PM   #9
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Seems like my last post is false, seems like I'm a-ok as far as keeping my job goes.

I am girl problems recently, I'm in love with someone, but for a number of reasons, I'm too scared to do anything about it.

One relationship ended before it really began. Alanna was her name. Great girl, and we had a lot of things in common, but before the years where serious dating would have interested either of us, I had to move. Thinking back, I think a relationship would've definitely work.

Other girl, brought her up once or twice before. First, second, third and only real date up until now, I really thought it was the perfect relationship.

Patricia, she was adorable, smart, we had so many things in common, I couldn't ask for a better girlfriend. We went on so many dates, had so much fun... I thought she was "the one"

No idea where it went wrong. Our last date was great, but before I knew it, I found out she was pregnant. We definitely never had sex, which left one conclusion...

Continued...
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Old 01-08-2012, 10:13 PM   #10
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When I found out, I was devastated, I couldn't believe it, and I can't help but feel like I did something wrong, that it was my fault. Maybe I'm just a poor judge of character, but there's no way I'd have guessed she'd be the type to do that sort of thing.

For as long as I remember, more than almost anything, I've wanted to find the right girl, spend my life with her, maybe start a family? Now I don't know, I feel like I'd just screw it up like I did with Patricia.

I doubt this other girl even has any feelings for me to boot, we've talked, all friendly and what-not, but I have serious doubts she feels anything for me, and I'm terrified of pushing her away by coming out with how I really feel.

Right now, I'll stick to worrying about moving out and starting my independent life, maybe things will work out along the way?
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Old 01-08-2012, 10:14 PM   #11
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Ick. I'm sorry.
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Old 01-09-2012, 04:53 AM   #12
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You can't let one girl take you out of the game. I had almost the exact scenario happen to me, except when she slept with another guy she had her sister tell me that it was over. That's the kind of stuff you can't blame yourself over. I probably made a mistake in dating that girl, but you really have to take that knowledge and head forward. I spent enough time shocked and moping over that. It didn't help with shit.

As for advice on how to date the ladies? I have no idea. The only thing I could say is start out as friends. It may work out, it may not.
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Old 01-19-2012, 01:36 AM   #13
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I dunno, man. I'm kinda jealous of that name. Wanna trade? How's Joshua Thomas Hartnett sound?

Well jokes aside, when it comes to this girl...I mean you've dated before, so maybe you know this already, but take it slow. Ease into it. I've made the mistake of jumping into relationships before and them...ending not so nicely. So just, hang out with her, talk to her, find out as much as you can about her through just hanging. And maybe once you two are pretty much best buds, try a few dates, and then attempt pouring your heart out. Lightly, of course.

Nothing wrong with taking it nice and easy.

But, upon remembering some of your more prominent problems...yeah, focus on getting to a better environment first. Once there, you'll feel better about yourself, and just have more confidence in general. Who knows, maybe you'll be able to come up with some killer pick-ups with a better set of mind.
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Old 01-20-2012, 10:28 PM   #14
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This is sort of related to the subject of transitioning in the Intro Thread, thiiiiis'll probably be a multi-parter.

Back in school, I had a lot of thoughts of how my life'd be different if I was a woman. I have a strange affinity for them, nothing to do with sex or anything, I'm no cassinova wannabe, I always had a much easier time interacting with and being friends with girls my age.

Other guys on the other hand, I never really got along with. The whole "acting manly" thing bugged me too. Ever since kindergarten, I've always hung out with girls, was like this all the way up to highschool.

I thought about the whole sex change thing in highschool, thought "when I had the money and the means, I'll do it, and everything will be better!"

After highschool though, that feeling sort of went away, nothing really lingering either. Maybe it was just a phase, or maybe I was trying to figure out an easy way to get away from all of my problems.

What I want now is different, I'm fine the way I am.

Continued...
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Old 01-20-2012, 10:42 PM   #15
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What I want now is to be a family man, a father with a loving wife and eventually a child, a daughter'd be nice.

It hasn't always been what I wanted, it's a pretty recently manifested dream in fact, but the desire is beyond anything I've felt before.

It could be that I want to feel loved, respected, relied on, all of those words, none I've really felt before. Could be I want to one-up my parents, especially my father, by having a nice loving family. I dunno.

I'm hoping I meet miss right one day, so far it's been a bust, but I think I'll meet her one day. Might have already for all I know, I certainly have girl who I like.

I also have ALL my kids names thought up, up until the 3rd of each gender. Lloyd, Issac and Carl for boys, Rita, Jennifer and Andrea for girls. Yeah, I know, I said I hated Andrew and Andrea is the girlified version, but it sounds better to me, that one letter makes a difference.

The wife of course would get her say as well, don't mean to suggest I'd be all "NO! WE ARE NAMING IT THIS!"
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Old 01-22-2012, 09:14 PM   #16
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Recently I've decided to get over this nail biting habit of mine.

Been a habit since I can remember, I don't even know how to properly groom these hands because of it. BUT IT ALL ENDS NOW!

So far, it's absolute torture, like ignoring an itch that keeps getting itchier, but you can't scratch it.

It got to the point where I wasn't just chewing on them when I was bored or nervous, I've been chewing to the point where nothing is left or I'm even bleeding. Bleck.
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Old 01-22-2012, 09:27 PM   #17
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Take clear tape to them. It worked for Sister Bearenstain. And my sister.
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Old 01-22-2012, 09:30 PM   #18
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I had that problem, which I replaced with the current problem of cutting them too short with clippers.
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Old 01-22-2012, 09:35 PM   #19
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At least with clippers there's a hard limit to how much I can cut off, at least with clippers it's straight, even cuts not jagged tooth marks.

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Take clear tape to them. It worked for Sister Bearenstain. And my sister.
I'd definitively just pick it off eventually, nah this has to be a cold turkey, mental overcoming type thing.
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Old 01-24-2012, 08:14 AM   #20
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I mentioned this earlier in another thread that I thought my eyes were going or something, that it's been getting harder and harder to read n' stuff. It's been getting worse, so I'm going to get a free eye exam sometime in the future.

Will probably haven to wear glasses soon. I dunno how I feel about that.
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Old 01-24-2012, 08:58 AM   #21
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You might look good with glasses! They get a bad rap.
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Old 01-24-2012, 09:11 AM   #22
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I do look good in glasses, but I don't feel like I'd be very responsible with them. I'd lose them, fiddle around with them, sit on them... The list goes on and on.
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Old 01-24-2012, 09:24 AM   #23
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Glasses make people look sexy.

And it's just a matter of getting used to them. I still misplace mine, but they're a thick enough frame that I can find them pretty easily.
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Old 01-24-2012, 09:25 AM   #24
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I never lose mine, but my eyesight is so bad that I can't be without them or I can't like, see.
I lost my glasses in a waterfall/river though!
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Old 01-24-2012, 09:27 AM   #25
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To be fair, I lose fucking everything. I had to buy a calculator yesterday because I lost two of them last semester.
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Old 01-24-2012, 09:32 AM   #26
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I'm always forgetting I've left something behind, then forgetting where I left it. Keys, wallets, other important things... And I doubt my insurance covers me for glasses, so I`d be money out of my pocket every pair I lose.

Ill worry about it after my exam I guess.
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Old 01-24-2012, 09:34 AM   #27
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Put them on a granny strap!
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Old 01-30-2012, 10:18 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Penakoto View Post
Recently I've decided to get over this nail biting habit of mine.

Been a habit since I can remember, I don't even know how to properly groom these hands because of it. BUT IT ALL ENDS NOW!

So far, it's absolute torture, like ignoring an itch that keeps getting itchier, but you can't scratch it.

It got to the point where I wasn't just chewing on them when I was bored or nervous, I've been chewing to the point where nothing is left or I'm even bleeding. Bleck.
*sigh*

I failed.

I have failed you all.

Without even realising it, I chewed these digits to nubs. I've been good about grooming them properly up until recent... but...

It really doesn't help that my skin has be REALLY dry lately, taking care of these hands is a lot of work because of it. Creams just make me all greasy, I try keeping a wet cloth around but that's only really an at-home solution, I dunno how to deal with it.
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Old 02-11-2012, 09:14 AM   #29
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So, that girl I was talking about before, number three well... one thing I should say right away is that I lied about one little detail... it's a guy. Also, someone I've been friends with for quite awhile online, we've never actually met.

I bring it up because I confessed my feeling for him and... he feels the same way. But... he also has a boyfriend. He did say though, that if things didn't work out... well...

That's enough for me really. I'm happy. Out of all the people I've loved, he's a whole 'nother level, and we have so much in common it's almost weird.

Nothing to do really but wait and see. I'm so happy though, you have no idea.

Oh, and in other news, I've got an appointment for an eye exam set early in March, so that little plot thread is progressing.
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Old 02-11-2012, 10:51 AM   #30
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Good for you on both of those! If you end up needing glasses, get the pimpest pair possible.
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