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Old 05-11-2009, 10:14 PM   #1
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Default World of Warcraft

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Tired of bad PUGs? Be proactive! In today's busy world, who has time to alt+tab and armory every single candidate for a simple pickup group? One of the basic tenets of science is forming a hypothesis based on little to no evidence at all, and then testing it. If Einstein did it, so can you. Introducing...

Basic Assumption and Discernment System

B.A.D.S.

When gauging whether to take a new member into your formulating PUG, run through this checklist. All you need to know is his name, title, guild, class, and race!

Every prospective member of your PUG starts with a default score of 0.

Ready?

Let's begin.

Step 1 - Are they some form of elf? If so, subtract one point. If they are are some form of elf hunter, subtract two points. If they are some form of elf death knight, subtract three points.

Step 2 - They're not an elf? Add one point, unless they possess a mohawk or the "sephiroth" hairdo, in which case they get nothing.

Step 3 - Subtract one point if their name includes any of these phrases: killer, death, dark, murder, revenge, blood, gank, sux, nub, legolas, or the Xx-name-xX bracketing style.

Step 4 - Subtract one point if their name contains any strange symbols that are impossible to type normally. If their name meets this criteria as well as that of step 3's, they are instantly disqualified. If you cannot resist the urge to point out how ridiculous their names are, remember "╣#╕τ↑" is a powerful insult in their mysterious gibberish language.

Step 5 - Add one point if their guild name makes some sort of sense - "Eternal Guardians", "Army of the Horde", and "Alliance Defenders" are all passable names. Subtract two points if their guild name seems to be cobbled together from random words, such as "Final Chaos", "Deathkillers", or "Nightdagger Darkmen".

Step 6 - Subtract one point if their character name is violently at odds with their character's gender. For example, "troyaikman", female night elf rogue.

Step 7 - Subtract one point if they are unguilded and still wearing a blank tabard. Subtract an additional point if they are missing the pupils of their eyes, giving them away as children of the corn.

Step 8 - Subtract five points if the first thing they say in party chat has anything to do with: Their mom being mean, how awesome a certain band is, how they just owned some nub, or some sort of estimate as to how high they are right now, man.

Step 9 - If they are displaying the Jenkins title, subtract five points. If they are also part of a guild whose name references Jenkins, subtract an additional five points. If they are "Jenkins Jenkins <The Jenkinses>", you have stumbled upon an abomination and it is your responsibility to destroy it before it harms anyone else.

Step 10 - Once in your group, take a look at how close they are to the instance when they ask "can i get a summon"? If they are are the second-closest, subtract one point. If they are the closest, choose a friend to come with you to Uldaman and summon him to there. Then kick him from the group.

Step 11 - Typing in coherent sentences earns them a point. They lose a point if they choose to use voice chat, but you cannot hear them over the My Chemical Romance music in the background.

All set?

Once the points are all tallied up, check the chart below for your results.

3+ Points: A paragon of worthiness. Act quickly before someone else snaps them up.
2 Points: They pass with flying colors. Worth an invite.
-1 to 1 Point: You could do better, but you could also do worse. Try flipping a coin.
-5 to -2 Points: Congratulations, you've encountered your average WoW player.
-5 Points or Below: You've probably just been propositioned by an unguilded night elf or blood elf death knight with the Jenkins title. Do not panic. Consider defusing this potentially hostile situation with phrases they can understand, like "naw man changed my mind gonna go play ff7 again peace" or "i had to disband the group bro, WWE wrestling just came on and two chicks are gonna fight on a giant marshmallow".
WoW forums: http://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/th...04295867&sid=1
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Old 05-11-2009, 10:20 PM   #2
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I wonder if we gain or lose a point on our guild name.
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Old 05-11-2009, 10:54 PM   #3
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<The Iron Musketeers> totally pick up a point there.
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Old 05-11-2009, 11:03 PM   #4
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What a troupe of unrelenting douchebaggery they all are and I am glad that the tumor of their collective existences has been knifed from us.
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Old 05-12-2009, 02:15 AM   #5
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Haaaa...elf...death knight...
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Old 05-12-2009, 03:26 AM   #6
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I thought about that, too. :<
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Old 05-12-2009, 07:38 AM   #7
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What about druids? We can only be Night Elves on Alliance.
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Old 05-12-2009, 12:17 PM   #8
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That's your problem.
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Old 05-12-2009, 12:52 PM   #9
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WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU
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Old 05-12-2009, 01:30 PM   #10
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I had a good chuckle over most of these. :( Nimbet has the Jenkins title, 'cause it's the only one she's got.
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Old 05-29-2009, 07:10 AM   #11
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Default Computer woes.

Out of commission for a bit. Reformatted my computer and now it wont let me connect.
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Old 06-02-2009, 08:07 AM   #12
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Excuse the double post, figured out what the issue was, computer wasn't recognizing the battle.net account at all so I called up billing and account services and got my world of warcraft account de-merged from the battle.net account. Temporary fix untill they require battle.net accounts but until then I'll still be able to play and figure out what the issue is.
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Old 06-05-2009, 12:01 PM   #13
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Yaaaaaay!
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Old 07-19-2009, 03:04 AM   #14
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Default Mario Teaches Warcraft

http://kotaku.com/5317688/mario-teaches-typing-warcraft

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Old 07-19-2009, 03:17 AM   #15
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sounds fun
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Old 07-19-2009, 05:22 AM   #16
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FULL TIER 11 FROG SUIT!?
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Old 07-19-2009, 05:44 AM   #17
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I love Cracked.
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Old 07-19-2009, 06:06 AM   #18
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I didn't realize it was Seanbaby. No wonder why it was funny.
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Old 07-19-2009, 07:18 AM   #19
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Old 07-19-2009, 08:24 AM   #20
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I didn't realize it was Seanbaby. No wonder why it was funny.
This.
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Old 07-19-2009, 10:25 AM   #21
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When WoW players get together in large groups, it’s called a raid. Because when you have no motor, people or communication skills, the best thing to do is glue yourself to 24 identical morons. Now that you have 25 mouths screaming different curses and 50 feet running in different directions, you have a perfect simulation of every birth defect and psychological disorder known to science, and are ready for a grand adventure.
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Old 07-19-2009, 10:27 AM   #22
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XD!
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Old 07-19-2009, 04:19 PM   #23
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Fireflower spec.
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Old 07-19-2009, 05:43 PM   #24
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I always went Tanookie spec, for the defense.
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Old 07-19-2009, 06:31 PM   #25
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I went that way for the massive balls
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Old 07-19-2009, 06:43 PM   #26
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I just wish that Kuribo's shoe was more widely available.
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Old 07-19-2009, 09:06 PM   #27
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Lakitu is overpowered.
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oh and I kinda dig the idea of tits and a penis. You get the best of both worlds. Like Hannah Montana.
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Old 07-19-2009, 09:43 PM   #28
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Nerf the super-star item!
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Old 07-20-2009, 01:00 AM   #29
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Anal [1UP]
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Old 07-20-2009, 02:48 PM   #30
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Laughed my ass off, mostly because it's so accurate.
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