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Old 04-09-2013, 09:16 PM   #1
Mayu_Zane
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The lemon was invented in 1812, when King George of France demanded to eat a yellow fruit that would ruin the mouths of lesser men.

Helium is lighter than air. This is only possible because unlike other gases helium went on a diet.

The speed of light is 299,792,548 metres per second in a vacuum. If you travel close to the speed of light, time will go slower for you. What may feel like a minute to you will be a year to someone else moving at a lower speed.

Cats do not have 9 lives. They have infinite lives, thanks to the efforts of ancient Egyptian scientists. Every time you kill a cat, the same cat will appear, alive and unharmed, at a random point on Earth. Eventually, there will be so many cats that one could build a tower that reached the sun, achieving the true purpose of felis catus.

A hot dog is not actually a dog. It is a type of food made from rubber, plastic and coal, which explains why it is delicious.

Orphanages are actually giant engines powered by children's tears. The purpose of these engines is to move the continents closer together so people wouldn't have to pay so much for airplane tickets.

The world's oldest living dinosaur can be found in the New York subway system, where it survives by drinking the urine of the homeless.

Sardines are poisonous to squirrels, much in the same way squid ink is poisonous for bees.

In order to understand algebra, one must first learn how to play the piano. This is because all piano-playing relies on complex mathematical principles that will only function through the use of algebra.

The urine of poor people is one of the two ingredients of the potion for immortality. The other ingredient is dinosaur blood.

Nightmares are messages from your ancestors trying to tell you to drown yourself in your own vomit. The only way to stop having nightmares is to dance in a septic tank while wearing only a coconut on your head.

The higher your altitude, the colder you will be. This is because invisible yetis inhabit the upper atmosphere, where they breathe heat and exhale cold.

According to science, IQ tests can be very inaccurate due to quantum mechanics. It is best to have a cat that is simultaneously alive and dead to confuse the quantum spirits from interfering with your IQ tests.

Instant noodles are not truly instant. If they were, they would be fully cooked the moment you opened the packaging.

Coconuts are not nuts and they are not made of cocoa. They are a type of fish that has adapted to living on land.

The nearest star, aside from our sun, is about 4.2 lightyears away. Orbiting the same star is a planet that is home to Space Egyptians, who will invade Earth when reality television ceases to exist, thereby explaining why reality shows are still broadcast on television.

Ninjas did not dress in black. They wore dark blue clothes, which made more effective camouflage against the night sky. They also wore gardener's clothes, since nobody expected gardeners to be dangerous.

The United Nations is not united.

AK-47 stands for Avtomat Kalashnikova 47. It does not stand for 'Armor Killer', 'Ass Kicker' or 'Angry Kangaroo'.

The moon is not a planet, but a satellite. It was built by the Russians in 1922 to spy on China.

In Asia, the squat-toilet model is more popular than the sitting version. This is because squatting instead of sitting makes you a smaller target and therefore less likely to get shot by stray bullets.

Fire is a liquid.

The entire archipelago of Japan is an ancient spaceship that crash-landed on Earth in the 1400s. It is believed that anime character designs are actually based on subconscious memories of the spaceship's now-deceased crew.

Facebook is neither a book, nor is it a face. It is a type of vermin that eats thumbs.

It takes approximately 10,000 hours to become an expert in most chosen fields. However, it will take you only 2 hours to be a master at telepathy.

The square root of melon is lemon.

Astronauts do not urinate or defecate when out in space. Instead, they vomit all of their waste, which is then released into the void by opening the visor.

The plural of 'house' is 'houses'. Therefore, the plural of 'mouse' is 'mouses'.

The difference between a wizard and a sorceror is that a wizard wears a pointy hat while a sorceror has a sceptre shaped like a snake.

There are two different cartoon characters named Dennis the Menace. One was created in the USA while the other was created in the UK. This is not a coincidence; the two characters are actually different versions of the same person from alternate realities.

The speed of sound depends on which medium it is travelling through. A medium that is busy contacting spirits will significantly slow down the speed of sound.

A Japanese person will usually get offended if you call them a Chinese because they can tell the difference between Japanese features and Chinese facial features, much in the same way Arabs can identify the differences between Arabic and Persian features.

While you may be able to teach an ape to communicate using cards and hand signs, no ape has ever asked a question. While they can display curiosity, they never assume you are withholding any information from them.

The Titanic was sunk in 1912 by an iceberg the size of a thimble, which explains why the crew did not notice the iceberg until it was too late.

TNT was first formed in 1863 by Julius Wilbrand. Its intended purpose was to serve as flavoring for chewing gum, but failed as it did not taste very well.

The violin was invented by vikings who were bored of horns. The very first violin was six feet long and had ropes instead of strings.

Indentured servitude is being in the service of someone who has no dentures.

Goat's milk is much healthier than cow's milk. This is because goats do not suffer from mad cow disease.
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Old 04-12-2013, 09:19 AM   #2
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What is this
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Old 04-12-2013, 09:32 AM   #3
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Well, that certainly was... Something.
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Old 04-13-2013, 05:09 AM   #4
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It's just some stuff I wrote while I was bored, and thought it would be amusing. Seems I thought wrong.
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Old 04-13-2013, 12:24 PM   #5
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So you put a little truth in some of them?
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Old 04-13-2013, 06:04 PM   #6
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Yes.
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Old 04-13-2013, 08:18 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mayu_Zane View Post
Seems I thought wrong.
It seems you thought wrong wrong, because I found a lot of these pretty darn funny.
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Old 04-13-2013, 10:24 PM   #8
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Yeah, I didn't say I hated it. Lol, I found it really enjoyable, heheh. I'd like to try ths sometime!
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Old 04-14-2013, 02:03 AM   #9
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In that case, thank you very much!
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Old 04-16-2013, 10:25 PM   #10
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Lol, I also found it really enjoyable
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Old 04-17-2013, 10:58 AM   #11
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Old 04-17-2013, 11:01 AM   #12
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Yes.
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