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Old 04-27-2009, 03:09 PM   #1
Frent
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Lightbulb The Love & Heartbreak Thread

Didn't see a thread for this anywhere, though it's entirely possible my old man eyes led me astray once again. If this is a duplicate thread, please bug a mod to delete it. Thanks.

On the old forums, this was pretty much a thread to talk about relationship problems, issues, and triumphs. Sure, a lot of moaning and groaning comes with that, but that's part of any relationship. They take time to develop (or fail).

I'm posting something I found on CNN that piqued my interest, since I saw a little more of myself in it than I'd like to:

"Ambiguous boys don't want to go on dates -- they want to "hang out." They don't want to be labeled your boyfriend -- or even the guy you're seeing -- but they want all the "perks" that are generally part of such an arrangement. I'm not talking about friends with benefits here -- that's a whole other animal. What I'm talking about is the frustrating purgatorial gap between friend and boyfriend.

"We call it hanging out so as to avoid date rejection," said one twenty-something record producer I interviewed. Hmm.

Jeff, a 28-year-old bartender I spoke with had another take. Claiming he hasn't had a "date" since his high school prom (though he's had plenty of girlfriends), Jeff's theory is that "ladies love to talk and communicate things and guys by nature do not want commitment. So the longer you ignore labeling it, the longer you are in the clear to see other girls without the guilt or remorse of feeling like a dirtbag."

My friend Jess, a sexy young librarian-in-training has no patience for this kind of gray-dating. She says, "I usually just force their intentions out of them," but warns that only works on guys who like aggressive ladies. "I have actually said, 'Is this a date?' And then when he inevitably pauses, I add, 'and by the way, whether or not we hook up later may hinge on your reply.'"

----

Anyone else out there met guys like this, or been a guy like this?

Lately, for me, I find myself paralyzed about telling this girl I've been hanging with that I'd like to date her. At the same time, it could be that we've been dating both times -- just hasn't really felt like it. But, that's me: a man wrapped almost constantly in relationship indecision.

Feel free to post your feelings or ideas on relationships in here. You might find some folks not unlike yourself with similar problems, or you might feel better for ranting. Heck, what you say might even give someone out there a good idea.
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Old 04-27-2009, 03:15 PM   #2
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I think I may be one of those guys; although I generally clam up and don't communicate with them all too much. Like, I wouldn't actively seek out one on one hanging out, but I encourage hanging out with them if there's some friends around.

I dunno. Never been on a date at all myself. Hell, I even went to the prom by myself. By choice mind you.
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Old 04-27-2009, 04:26 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frent View Post
"Ambiguous boys don't want to go on dates -- they want to "hang out." They don't want to be labeled your boyfriend -- or even the guy you're seeing -- but they want all the "perks" that are generally part of such an arrangement. I'm not talking about friends with benefits here -- that's a whole other animal.
Yes you are, you stupid dick. (not directed to Frent)
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Old 04-27-2009, 04:57 PM   #4
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Banquet (which is like prom but shitty because we can't dance.) is Saturday and I gots myself a date. She's quite the in love with me. It's going to be a fun night. I guess it's my first real date.
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Old 04-27-2009, 05:02 PM   #5
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18 years old and never had a date! WOO!!

I'm apparently...among two percent of the population. I read something like that somewhere.
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Old 04-27-2009, 05:19 PM   #6
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Is that for women only? I was dateless until 21, if I remember right.
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Old 04-27-2009, 05:20 PM   #7
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I was wondering, if you're in a new realtionship, how often should I be calling and how long should I be calling?
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Old 04-27-2009, 05:20 PM   #8
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22 and dateless myself.

I wonder what 4 years does to the percentage.
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Old 04-27-2009, 05:32 PM   #9
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I didn't really have a date until I was like 18. :> Rodney took me to a movie. Before that I had never been kissed. Got really lucky with that.
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Old 04-27-2009, 05:39 PM   #10
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I went on my first real date when I was 15.
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Old 04-27-2009, 05:40 PM   #11
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I've never been on a date and I've had two girlfriends!

Something is wrong here!
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Old 04-27-2009, 05:40 PM   #12
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I think I've had two or three date-like things in my life, but they've been rather lackluster.
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Old 04-27-2009, 05:42 PM   #13
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It varies from couple to couple DoGooderer. In my experience it's generally a good bet to base that sort of thing on how often you see them. If it's a school or work kind of thing where you see the other party almost every day, then you might not want to spend too much time on the phone with them. If you only get to see them once or twice a week, you might want to spend a lot more time talking to them via the phone. When we were living in the same town my girlfriend and I only ever used to use the phone to make plans to see each other. Now that I only get to see her on weekends we talk on the phone for about an hour roughly 3 or 4 times a week.

That's just how I do things though, and I'm not a particularly good conversationalist. Just talk until you're out of things to talk about, shit only gets awkward when you make it awkward. /endbook
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Old 04-27-2009, 07:13 PM   #14
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I've got a girlfriend, she goes to art school. I've got an art school girlfriend, yeah. She left her home from sweet Alabama, rose up from Alabama to New York City, yeah. I got a girlfriend, she goes to parties; underground parties, Andy Warhol everywhere. She wears the leather, I wear the makeup. Man, we're never gonna break up, we've been together for a month.
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Old 04-27-2009, 07:18 PM   #15
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my ex broke up with me about a week after valentines day, and recovery has been slow to say the least.
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Old 04-27-2009, 07:19 PM   #16
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Rud you cheat
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Old 04-27-2009, 07:20 PM   #17
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Dear L&H Thread:

<3
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Old 04-28-2009, 08:18 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Radd View Post
I've never been on a date and I've had two girlfriends!

Something is wrong here!
I don't see a pro- oh wait
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Old 04-29-2009, 07:31 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catch-22 View Post
Dear L&H Thread:

<3
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Old 04-29-2009, 12:26 PM   #20
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I have a girlfriend.

Nearly been going out 8 months.

Only recently have we started arguing over cliched things.

It'll probably pass.
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Old 04-29-2009, 12:36 PM   #21
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Been dating this girl for 5 years, and proposed early this year. Getting married late this year. Hasn't been easy. At all. But gosh damnit, it was all so worth it.
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Old 04-29-2009, 12:56 PM   #22
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I'm in love with Street Fighter.

She hates me.
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Old 04-29-2009, 01:59 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by inthesto View Post
I'm in love with Street Fighter.

She hates me.
But you always come back.
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Old 04-29-2009, 07:55 PM   #24
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It's just so hard to resist her allure.
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Old 04-29-2009, 08:57 PM   #25
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Caught my girlfriend cheating last week, broke it off instantly.

Now i'm in a singles paradise and about to head to Hawaii in two weeks.

Still though, the cheating.

What the hell?
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Old 04-29-2009, 09:02 PM   #26
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Obviously further details are necessary if you want advice on it. Could just be idly musing, though, and I respect that. Good for you, either way.

For my idle musings, I was thinking last week that I might ask out a girl I knew way back in high school. We've kept up through Facebook. Then I check her page a bit more and find out she's with a guy despite neither of them listing their relationship status. Goofy thing is, the guy seems a lot like me. Missed another chance, I guess.
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Old 04-29-2009, 09:18 PM   #27
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:<
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Old 04-29-2009, 09:23 PM   #28
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Oh, i didn't really expect advice, i was just talking about something that happened.

I mean i know why, we both became disinterested in one another and the relationship drifted apart. The thing is though she didn't have the stones to tell me she wanted to split before she jumped on another dude's junk.

Happens.
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Old 04-29-2009, 09:28 PM   #29
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I haven't had a girlfriend in 5 years? Sounds about right.

Every girl I've been interested in here has been cock blocked though. It's fucking annoying. We're like part of a circle of friends and every time I get interested in one, this one dude fucking swoops in for the cock block even though he has no interest in them.
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Old 04-29-2009, 09:34 PM   #30
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Quote:
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Is that for women only? I was dateless until 21, if I remember right.
Frent, at this rate you and me are going to live out almost the same lives.
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