Ah, work was fun today. (never imagined I would here myself say that) Bossman said he really liked my work ethic and will call me if there is anything available. lifting heavy things, running inflatables (bouncy houses and slides) and other carni games is just so much fun. of course there's the occasional brat that thinks (s)he is entitled to everything). But other than that, things went pretty peachy
Well I know I haven't mention this but fuck it. I was pissed/irritated earlier today. So I'm at the grocery getting some grub. Blah blah, when I arrive at the juice aisle, some dumbass skater kid (15 I think) did a "gallon smash", with me receiving a huge amount of the splash back. I just walk away with my jeans, socks, and shoes, all drenched in sunnyD. It really wouldn't of pissed me off as much if I hadn't done laundry that same day.
I really fail to see exactly how this "prank" is funny. It just... idiotic.
woke up @ 6: 30, worked for a few hours (barely four).
some drama bout one of the employees not putting away the equipment in the right place.
Also ate a handful of left over cotton candy from the cotton candy machine at work. I will forever regret this decision.
cleaned some of the big inflatables (or bouncy house/big slides) and crap did they stink. I hate it when the customers add water to them after we tell em not to. 1.) the added water gives it more weight making it a lot more difficult to fold and move around and 2.) the humidity that accumulates will make that shit stink.
practiced driving on the highway for a bit. I think I did alright.
and just finished writing this paper and now off to class. I doubt anything will happen tonight so yeah.
Today pretty much fucking sucked. And that's just saying it lightly.
Ok first let's start with the principal (customer) we were doing the event for. She wanted the moon jumps and inflatable slides and carnival games in the worst possible locations there are. Boss man the suggested we put the equipment at a more reasonable location. We got everything set up, I got chosen to help run one of the big slides. No biggie.
Bout an hour later, the event started, we were all set up in the gymnasium. Ready to go.
Now some of these events have a ticket/wristband policy. If you don't have one or the other then you aren't allowed on the ride. This one was no exception. And to avoid any cheating, we have to rip up the tickets.
Ok let's start with the whiny kids who had neither but still we're crying because they wanted to get on. We get those all the time. Then they try to climb up from the slide it self. Again nothing new but still frustrating as hell. These were about 8-12 year olds that were doing this.
Look I love working with kids, but not when they feel like they are "entitled" to everything (hate using that word
Then there's the ones who would not come down and push other kids down the slide. Laughing while doing it, or would go behind the inflatable and turn of the fan that's keeping the slide up and running. Bullies in training in other words. This caused a little panic but nothing to big. They ran, laughing. Security guard caught them and escorted them out.
But the worst one was this walking definition of a, pardon the phrase but, a trailer trash mom. Her kid, bout 6 years old wanted to get on, so I let her. As soon as she the stairway to the top, she starts crying, so I climb up and bring her down. The mom then tells me to give her back the ticket in the rudely manner.
"Give me back my ticket."
Sorry miss, once the ticket is in my possession, I have the tear it up."
"But my baby didn't go down the slide"
"I'm sorry but I can't bend the rules for your kid."
"This is bullshit!"
"Ma'am, please don't curse around these children."
"I don't give a shit! I want a fucking ticket right now."
"Please calm down."
"Don't you fucking tell me to 'calm down'."
"Ok listen here lady, I know your mad but if you have a complaint, please take it with my manager. He is the man standing over there."
"This is bullshit!"
This went on for 7 minutes give or take.
After that things got a little smoother but only by a smidge.
Just finished pretty much disconnecting all appliances from my room. All I'm left with is the phone on my hand. Tomorrow I'm gonna start painting my room tomorrow. Been procastinating on this for about a week.
I figured I would go for a snowflake blue or something to that effect. I'll be sure to post the before and after pic.
I just finished crying. For a whole damn hour. I somebody who always tries to keep his emotions in check, or bottled up and suppressed completely. But over the past few days it's been harder and harder to keep them in check. and today I... I just broke down. As soon as I got home, I went into the the restroom, turned on the fan and just started crying. I had to force myself to stop as soon as I got out. went to my room, closed the door. sat against said door, hugging my knees and I just started crying again. I wanted this feeling to be over. I don't want to feel this. I don't need to feel this.
first thing are my textbook bigoted parents. I love them so much but it kills me that I can't tell them I'm gay. I know if I told them, they will most likely
disown me. Hell that actually almost happened when I was 13, I told them and my father wouldn't look me in the eye at all for two months. two whole damn fucking months. I then lied to him and myself by telling him "it was a phase" or some bullshit like that. It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking it. I know I would be a lot more happier if I was out completely. But to spare their feelings, I have to keep this to myself and you guys.
The next thing is my good for nothing dead end job. I'm lucky if I can work at least 7 hours per TWO weeks. The pay is awful, hours are awful. At least this weekend I'll be able to work 14 hours thanks to this annual city fair. I have been doing everything to save money but with the way things are going, I'm not 100% sure I'll have enough money to get out of dodge and move in with my boyfriend by the time comes.
I've even gone as low as to consider petty theft, but that's not an option for me. Just today, I went sprinting store to store in downtown trying to find something better. something. anything. I really don't care if I'm payed a little less, just as long as I can get something with more hours. but not one damn store down there is hiring. I asked my mother if there's anything in the factory where she works and always says "no". I'm still looking but I'm really losing hope over time. I've never been this desperate for a better line of work. I know that I will eventually find something but the question is, how long will it take?
The only thing keeping me from being totally miserable is my boyfriend who I love so much. He is literally the reason I refuse to give up hope. but today i just couldn't take it and cried my eyes out. I don't want to feel like I'm useless around the apartment where we will eventually be living together. I want to do what ever it takes to make him happy, and I plan on doing just that.
they say that you'll feel better if you cry when you need to. I disagree, I felt a whole lot worst than what I was. even right now I'm struggling to keep my tears in check. I hate this feeling of self pity. I just fucking hate it.
Look I'm not asking for any pity from you guys. this was just something I really needed to get off my chest. if you took the time to read this. thank you.
Imma be gone for a while. Could be a few days maybe even a week or more. Don't know when I'll be back. I just have somethings that I have to take care of first. I'll just leave it at that. I'll see ya when I'll see ya I guess
Edit: well I just canceled my phone plan. So no more texting, calling, or net. Well technically I still have net thanks to WiFi so yeah, I'll still be around, just not as much
I recently landed a job as both a Cashier and freight-processor. So far It's been rather enjoyable. staff members are really friendly. and the customers so far have been rather... unique, but that's more than likely due to the renaissance festival.
The love/hate relationship with my father just keeps on umm changing. Unfortunately not towards the "love" direction. Even after I finally got my self a stable job, even after I lost 50+ lbs, I've improved myself in so many ways, and yet he still refers to me as a "useless piece of trash who won't amount to anything." I know I shouldn't let it get to me and that I should just keep on doing what I'm doing but with him, he'll always find a way to bring me down.
I don't even know why I try to prove him wrong, he'll always find something to turn things around. What I can't stand more is his hypocrisy. He says that he always prays "for a nice day" and yet with his short fused temper, he ends up ruining his own day, and subsequently everyone around him.
Recap of this month would have posted sooner but was too lazy.
Took my GED exam and passed it. My diploma came into day. So I'm pretty pleased with myself right now. Now before you ask, when I was younger, I had a somewhat weak immune system and would get sick for a month making me miss a lot of school. Internet access was incredibly scarce. And usually had trouble keeping up with the rest after frequent hiatus like those.
Also, Unnecessary drama during Christmas. It's a rather unnecessary tradition as well. :/
Holy crap, long time since I posted on here. Well, I came out to my father about half an hour ago. Give or take. It went 30x better than what I was expecting. Feels great to have this off my chest. I'm just so... relieved right now.
This isn't really much of an update but rather more of something I've been doing for the past year or so and I wanted to share with you guys. just a some piano covers from a few games and anime. mostly games >.> either, I hope you enjoy! there are a few I need to work on, but hopefully I can do that at a later date
urls are no longer working. will re-up them thorugh diff means later
Yo, been a while! Recently went to an interview at FedEx and applied for the preload shift, I'd say it went really well. Guy who interviewed me said that they will do a criminal background check and they will call me by Monday and let me know if i got the position. So I'm pretty confident in that regard.
Not much else to say other than fam drama and veen taking pills for anxiety, depression, and adhd.so yeah. I'd say they helped in the long run.
So yeah got the job at FedEx. Monday is orientation which is also considered first day. Gonna be a 2 hour thing but from then I'll be working preload from like 2am til 6 i think. Will know soon enough.
Woo made it through 2nd week. Basically what i do is scan and load trucks for the preload shift. First week was kinda a bitch since it was pretty fast paced having to move form belt to truck while also removing packages with bad labels from said belt. It's gonna be a while until I'm fully used to it but overall it's a good job with (mostly) good people.